chaos and praxis

August 23, 2009 at 1:59 pm (Prodigal Valentine) ()

I’m finding it hard to get back into regular praxis again. A side-effect of my recent banning from QQ? I went through a similar period, after being banned from the PTG. I have been trying, though, and have been using the Thomasine meditations to do so.

I find myself drawn to the allegory of the mustard seed/tree, and I keep getting the message that it’s small actions that have large consequences; the “butterfly flaps its wings in Mexico and a hurricane hits the US” mentality.

Rationally, such an approach applied to the human condition, at least in my case is unproductive. I spent entirely too much time in my younger years obssessing over small things, and ruminating on how my small actions, had the opposite or unintended consequences. To fall into that form of self-reflection once again, will take me to a very dark and self-loathsome place, that I fail to see the benefits of existing in.

Tipping that on its head, it very much implies that Self is not the centre of the universe, however, a sentiment that grows stronger within me daily. I am far from the butterfly who causes catastrophe, although I have been in the past. Now I tend to take an apathetic approach, and try not to do anything, however. Not the wisest approach either.

The allegory of the woman with the jar of flour can be meditated upon as either positive, or negative; either you see the flour pouring out of the jar as emblematic of the idea represented by the Jewish ruach hakodesh (I just know I got that spelling wrong, I apologize to any who might be offended), or the elemental force referred to in the Hebrew Bible (rightly or wrongly) as “the holy spirit”. That elemental, ineffable force, that connects everything. Even if it is only an illusion. Or, you see the woman’s carelessness as leading to the further spread of evil in the world.

Perhaps the lesson is that this IS the illusion; that we are somehow all connected, in the manner of chaos theory, when in reality we are isolated instances of slightly-similar consciousnesses, with enough differences to make our experiences with ourselves and each other, indelibly unique.

The meditation of the “100th sheep” I have never found particularly applicable nor relative to my own understanding, but I had the insight yesterday that it might possibly be that the 100th sheep was loved, not because it was the one that was lost, and then returned to the fold (the traditional literalist Christian interpretation of the mythology), but rather the fact of the search that was necessitated.

If, as the meditation on “you will not find me in the sea or the sky” informs, the ideology of “christos” or the inward light is within us, at the core of our selves, then it is the continual striving and reaching after the brass ring, that is being exhorted by this parable, not a grasping and holding (that leads to stagnation and decay), but an ongoing process. This ties in with the Valentinian baptism of fire that I have been ruminating on.

The “little leaven, leavens the whole lump” meditation then expands on this, that if your search is imperfect or even sometimes unintentional, it can still have world-altering effects.

The sixth meditation, that we should concentrate not on dead mythologies or false idols, but rather within that living spark within us, is how to escape a neurotic obsession with the chaos theory approach to spirituality. This flows naturally into the final meditation, that the living spark of consciousness within all of us, is a mere reflection of the ocean of light of every living thing that is all around us. “Split a piece of wood, or lift a stone”, and the light is there.

I guess I got more out of it than I thought I did, because I kept getting distracted. Which is probably the moral of the story right there.

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